Sunday, July 1, 2018

Toy Story Land Review!

By Jake


     As many of you Disney fans or haters or Disney-Neutral people know by now, this past weekend Toy Story Land opened to reviews at Disney's Hollywood Studios park in Florida, America! Unfortunately none of the main five Mutineers were able to attend the event. However! Our producer, Giuseppe, was able to attend and slipped me a cocktail napkin with his notes on it and some pictures he claimed are completely his and totally didn't steal from somewhere else, and then buggered off on his own somewhere mumbling about hamsters in the wild. So without further ado (and apologies to those that were expecting a lot of ado from this point on) here is Giuseppe's review of Toy Story Land, completely fabricated by Jake.

It's a 7 hour wait because they only allow one person at a time
to ride.
     First up, let's talk about the rides! There are two new rides here and one that sneaked in through the side door. The sneaky one is Toy Story Mania, we've all heard about it. It's good. We all like it, don't we. It's one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land. Moving on. One of the new rides is the Spinning Aliens of Death ride. Don't let the name mislead you, it's for families. It looks simple enough from the outside, but looks are very misleading! This happens to be one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land! It's a contemporary take on a classic whip ride! Which means it whips you around corners, and if you're in the middle of the car, you are going to get smushed. A lot. But that's part of the fun! Lastly we have the Slinky Dog Dine and Dash roller coaster! But Giuseppe said he took one look at the 7-hour line (which stretched all the way from the roller coaster entrance down International Drive to SeaWorld) and decided he'd just watch it on YouTube. But he said it looked like one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land!

See? These guys standing guard just stab you with pizza if you try to enter.
     Now onto the food. Giuseppe says there's food here. There are giant popsicle sticks, but no popsicles on them. But there's also a counter service restaurant called Woody's Breadbox. It's not very big. They have a unique selection of food, however. From the grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup, to the barbecue brisket sandwich with tomato soup, to the ice cream floats with tomato soup! But the big ticket item that has people talking are the pastries. Apparently they're just painted Pop-Tarts. I don't understand why people would be clamoring over pastries that taste like paint. But hey, I won't knock it until I try it.

     So that's all the notes that were on Giuseppe's napkin. I'm glad he was able to make it down there and give us the his full review of the new land. There's a doodle here of four pine cones. I guess that's his rating. So there you have it! Giuseppe gives Toy Story Land a whopping four pine cones!