Sunday, July 1, 2018

Toy Story Land Review!

By Jake


     As many of you Disney fans or haters or Disney-Neutral people know by now, this past weekend Toy Story Land opened to reviews at Disney's Hollywood Studios park in Florida, America! Unfortunately none of the main five Mutineers were able to attend the event. However! Our producer, Giuseppe, was able to attend and slipped me a cocktail napkin with his notes on it and some pictures he claimed are completely his and totally didn't steal from somewhere else, and then buggered off on his own somewhere mumbling about hamsters in the wild. So without further ado (and apologies to those that were expecting a lot of ado from this point on) here is Giuseppe's review of Toy Story Land, completely fabricated by Jake.

It's a 7 hour wait because they only allow one person at a time
to ride.
     First up, let's talk about the rides! There are two new rides here and one that sneaked in through the side door. The sneaky one is Toy Story Mania, we've all heard about it. It's good. We all like it, don't we. It's one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land. Moving on. One of the new rides is the Spinning Aliens of Death ride. Don't let the name mislead you, it's for families. It looks simple enough from the outside, but looks are very misleading! This happens to be one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land! It's a contemporary take on a classic whip ride! Which means it whips you around corners, and if you're in the middle of the car, you are going to get smushed. A lot. But that's part of the fun! Lastly we have the Slinky Dog Dine and Dash roller coaster! But Giuseppe said he took one look at the 7-hour line (which stretched all the way from the roller coaster entrance down International Drive to SeaWorld) and decided he'd just watch it on YouTube. But he said it looked like one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land!

See? These guys standing guard just stab you with pizza if you try to enter.
     Now onto the food. Giuseppe says there's food here. There are giant popsicle sticks, but no popsicles on them. But there's also a counter service restaurant called Woody's Breadbox. It's not very big. They have a unique selection of food, however. From the grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup, to the barbecue brisket sandwich with tomato soup, to the ice cream floats with tomato soup! But the big ticket item that has people talking are the pastries. Apparently they're just painted Pop-Tarts. I don't understand why people would be clamoring over pastries that taste like paint. But hey, I won't knock it until I try it.

     So that's all the notes that were on Giuseppe's napkin. I'm glad he was able to make it down there and give us the his full review of the new land. There's a doodle here of four pine cones. I guess that's his rating. So there you have it! Giuseppe gives Toy Story Land a whopping four pine cones!

Monday, April 23, 2018

Six Things I Wish I Was Eating Right Now (in the Magic Kingdom)

by Annie Clarf

 1. The All-American Sundae from the Plaza Ice Cream Parlor


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Ain’t she a beaut? Would you like chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream? Wait, nevermind, HAVE BOTH. Add some hot fudge. Add some flipping peanut butter drizzle. Throw some whipped cream on top, fling a cherry at it, and brother, you got a heckuva sundae. Mmmmm. I want it right now. 


 2. Salted Caramel Pretzel at the Lunching Pad



I believe it was 1945 when they built the Auntie Anne’s pretzels at the local mall and I, at primo mall-hanging age, discovered how delicious a pretzel was with some caramel dipping sauce. Later that year, I met Bob Iger at the mall and that’s how we find ourselves blessed with this caramel pretzel treat today. It comes with chocolate dipping sauce, but I think I’ll have it au natural, mon ami. Je le veux maintenant HAW HAW HAW! 

(Editor's note: This story is 100% accurate. Don't question it. DON'T. QUESTION IT.)

 3. All of this from Pecos Bill’s Tall Tale Inn and Cafe


I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking at here. I mean, I can pretty well figure it out but I kind of want to just shake all of that up, maybe add a little extra lettuce for roughage, and eat it with a fork until I slowly fall into the pleasant sleep of someone who’s just eaten way too much Mexican food. 

 4. French Vanilla Coffee Float with Soft-Serve from Auntie Gravity’s Galactic Goodies


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Why doesn’t McDonald's do a coffee float like this? Dang! It looks so good! And then if you get one, you can take a photo in front of that sweet sign. You cannot lose, here. 

 5. Caprese Flatbread at Pinocchio Village Haus


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This is definitely the best quick service option in Magic Kingdom, if I may be so bold. Not only that, but the Village Haus is so cute and you can sit with a small world view! 

 6. Waffle Sandwiches form Sleepy Hollow


I want all of those. RIGHT. NOW. Do you think someday I will be able to 3D print those waffle sandwiches straight into my mouth? I bet the technology already exists but the government is keeping it from the public. It would be like the Napster of waffle sandwiches. 
(Editor's Note: You want Lars Ulrich to shut down your illegal waffle operation? Because that's how you get Lars Ulrich to shut down your illegal waffle operation!)

I hope you enjoyed this amazing journey through six things I would totally eat right now. Runner-up is the expensive bananas, much better than the cheap bananas you get from the grocery store. What would you eat right now from the Magic Kingdom?