Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Something About Spinners...

..and that something will be written here in the form of words grouped together as sentences, in which case those will be grouped together in larger groups called paragraphs. Eventually the paragraphs will get together and form the finished post. It practically writes itself!

Spinners, ugh, spinners. I'm so frigging sick of spinners that I could punch a triceratops. Seriously, are there enough out there? (Disneyland, you are excused. I'm looking at you, Disney World.) Seriously? How many shitty, round-and-round-we-go carnival rides do we need? Well let me count thy ways...

Dumbo x2:
Twice the pachyderms!

Really? I like Dumbo, it's a classic, but do we need two of the damn things?  Is that really necessary?  No, not so much. I feel that Disney World is simply looking for cheap fillers here. The new queue is amazing and the fact that I no longer have to "wait" in line all sorts of rocks, but two?  At least add a loop!

Aladdin's Plastic Carpets:
This isn't a carpet! It's more like a plastic taffy sleigh
of sadness and disappointment.

The TDO executives were in a board meeting trying to cheaply figure shit out and one of them said, "Hey, you know what Dumbo needs? A back seat!" Which he was promptly called a dumb ass and told elephants don't have back seats, only trunks. Then they decided on magic crapits. Not only is it out of place in the jungle area, but the damned camels splooge on you. That's right I said it. We are all thinking it. And have the people responsible for this travesty even ever seen a carpet? 

TriceraTop Spin:

What if Dumbo was green, had a horn in his face, and had been extinct? He'd be a spinning dinosaur.  If Disney was planning on an immersive parking lot carnival, the least they could have done is pick a happy-go-pukey ride that they haven't already used four times. Ugh! I'm about to blow a damned gasket here! Hell! At least have the shit make sense! Pterodactyls would've been a better fit, because they fly and stuff.
Magical glittery flying tricer--- No. I'm stopping there.
That's way too much nonsense.

I'm going to spare one Dumbo and the Astro Orbiter from this list. Mostly because they are likable. But all of you other ones can lick a stick. I don't wants to talk to you no more. Anyways, the point is this: I feel that TDO is using spinners for cheap thrills.  Please, throw in something with some substance, use your friggin imaginations. Hell, that's your jobs, right?  I'm rambling now aren't I?