Monday, February 25, 2013

WDW's Mono-stale


Walt Disney World's monorail system opened with the Magic Kingdom in 1971 and was intended as transportation from the Ticket and Transportation Center (TTC) to the only park. It also served as transportation from the TTC to EPCOT Center when that park opened. Way back then it served it's main purpose. Now I suppose it sort of does in a stale dirty way.

What once screamed "The future of transportation!" now screams "I'm from the time cocaine was big!" 
Lets face it kids, the monorail needs help and aside from a few hotels and two parks, it goes nowhere fast. I'm not saying I hate it, but I really try to avoid riding it. It has no charm, it has the feel that hobos are on it when I'm not and at night it's packed tighter than a sardine can at a porn convention.
Take this. Or you could take the ferry. I recommend the ferry. 
I prefer the ferry boats to get to the MK.  Maybe it's because I used to pretend I was a sailor, but the boats are just as fast and they are all open and airy.  Also, when some one pukes on deck they are immediately thrown in the lake with the brain eating amoebas and the deck is simply hosed off. Oh, and you can move away from the vomit hole. Not the monohell. You will stand there next to the chunder soaking into the carpet and you will like it!

...like a Playdough factory vomited down the side.
I will admit that I do hop on the EPCOT line when transferring from the Magic Kingdom or vice versa.  Speaking of which, the monostale could be functional easy enough. Walt Disney World just needs to stop wasting money turning the tickets into armbands and extend the track to the other parks and a handful of other resorts. A line to Hollywood studios and vicinity resorts and yet another line to Animal Kingdom and resorts on the way there would be sick! "But Josh, that costs money!" No shit? I thought they just called up Pete's imaginary dragon and he pooped out tracks. No, you stay out of this Internet forums, this is my blog.
The monorail also doubles as a billboard.

The other thing, as I mentioned, is that it is filthy in those things. Not that Disney World is the best at housekeeping lately. To that, I say, clean up your room and no dinner until it is done. If I wanted to pay to see dirty shit I would go to Vegas... Which is fitting, because when the Las Vegas monorail first began operation between two stations, it used two retired Disney World monorail trains. Dirty enough for Disney, dirty enough for Vegas.
"We won't paint this thing unless it's making money for us!"