Friday, January 4, 2013

What I Want in 2013: Epcot Edition

     Did somebody say "x-ray rocks?!" Welcome to my wishlist for Epcot in the upcoming year! Oh man, where do I start? Epcot is my favorite park in the World we call Disney, and many would side with me. So to see some of the attractions in their current run-down state really chafes my nipples.
     Let's start with the Maelstrom over in the Norway pavilion. It's a really short ride, but very popular and very fun. But man, it is a mess. Mold and dust strewn about like bums on bologna! A bunch of the animatronic characters aren't working, and they added a very unpopular addition last week: X-ray rocks:
Photo courtesy of KingEric from the forums of MiceChat
Why is this okay? This is right out in the open for every single guest to see. Look, it even makes the baby polar bear cry! Nobody wants to make a baby polar bear cry! They remember. And then they grow up and rip you to shreds. An elephant never forgets, and a polar bear never forgives. Let's clean this ride up! Do it for the baby polar bears!
     Next on my rant...er, list... is the former Wonders of Life pavilion. It sits between the Universe of Energy and Mission: Space, and houses such attractions as "Empty Chairs," "Empty Void: The Ride," and "Hey Guys, Remember When I Was Actually Something." The problem I have with it is that management has written it off as "festival space," used for events such as the Flower and Garden Festival, and the Food and Wine Festival. Just look at it. Even this makes baby polar bears cry.
What used to be the Wonders of Life pavilion. Photo courtesy of Yesterland.com
But Epcot already has a really big building for festivals. It's hidden in the trees between the United Kingdom and Canada pavilions. Get a new sponsor in this pavilion and breathe some new life into it. 
     Now we shuffle across the park to the Imagination! pavilion. Why is Michael Jackson still here? Get him out! Captain EO was a fun little romp as a tribute, but it's been three years now. This temporary experiment is feeling awfully permanent. And then there's the Journey Into Imagination ride itself. I like this ride and see nothing wrong with it. Moving on!
    Now the nerd in me wants Disney to add a TARDIS to the UK pavilion. Just sitting back there along the street. If you're not a Doctor Who fan, you will just see a common blue police call box. If you are a fan, you will wet yourself with excitement. The problem is, Disney has nothing to do with Doctor Who and I doubt they ever will. I pretty much just wasted your time with this part. 
     As for the rest of Epcot, you're doing a fine job! Keep up the good work! I'm done here.

Polar Bears.