Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Another Disney Gem!!

Folks, it's time for yet another episode of Disney Gems! I love writing about these because it's the small things that really make Disneyland special. The attention to detail, the things you wouldn't notice unless you were informed or just looking in the right place at the perfect time. Disney has a ton of "Gems" littered around the park, but you have to know where to look to find them. They don't just come out and smack you in the face, they're shy, secluded, keep to themselves, if you will...and that's why they are awesome!

This Disney gem is located in Pirates of the Caribbean. "But Tim, you've already done a segment on this!" True, I have, and that was on Marc Davis and his Red Headed beauty that's on the wall in the caves. This gem that I'm writing about this time is also located in the caves, only about 50 feet away from the painting, but over on the left side of the boat. To be more precise, it's on the head board right behind the pirate sitting on the bed with the magnification glass in his hand.

(I apologize for the picture quality. It's dark in there.)
So why is it there? Why is there a real skull and crossbones on that ride? Well, back in 1967, when the ride was built, UCLA donated real skeletons for the ride! How awesome is that? Those skeletons are gone now, replaced by plastic replicas, but good on the Imagineers for making the ride even more authentic! Now back to the skull and crossbones on the bed. Yes, the skull is real, and it's human. Rumor has it that the crossbones behind the skull are real as well because of the discoloration on them. I cannot confirm, nor deny this, but how cool is it that the skull is real?

When you notice the skull, you'll find that it's bigger than all of the others in the ride...because it's real. That's just another thing you don't see at other parks. You don't see Gems like that at Six Flags, or Universal. It's just another reason why Walt's vision has lasted so long. He and his team of Imagineers believed in something that was just as great as all of their imaginations put together. Pretty awesome, huh? Pirates has two Gems inside of it, almost right next to each other. Next time you're on the ride, make sure you find the Gems I've mentioned. Its fun to see things other people just don't notice.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Podcast Episode 2!

We did it! We made an episode that we can be proud of, and you can listen to it right over there on the right side of this blog. We discuss everything from the very recent Star Wars director news, to Josh wanting to take out Splash Mountain, to a hidden Wall-E in the parks. Listen, enjoy, and have a good laugh! Also, if you would rather listen on the go, it should be up on iTunes now or soon. Go ahead and subscribe!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Shameless Plug

Hey, Mutineers! We're still pushing forward and expanding little by little. We're on Facebook now! So, go ahead and click that little "Like" button there on the Mickey Mutineers Facebook page and we'll all be friends. But not hugging friends. Not yet. We'll take things slow and get to know each other first....

Wait, what?

*Clears throat* Anyway, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter (@mickeymutineers) and check out the podcast here or on iTunes! We just recorded Episode 2, but it's not up yet. Should be up by Monday. Alright, I'm done whoring myself out for now.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Here's a Good Idea! Let's Make Sure We Never Use It Again!: PART 2

Alright, we've already covered what and where the Peoplemover was, (and in case you missed it, you should go back and check it out.) Now, let me rant about where it could be used, because Disney is sitting on an awesome product and refusing to use it. Kind of like Song of the South. But that's neither here nor there.

Let's start at the beginning...and when we come to the end, I'll stop. Disneyland! This was the first place to get the Peoplemover. All I can say is if they're not going to put it back up on the abandoned tracks where it belongs, then rip those tracks out for the sake of decency! But then add a Peoplemover that goes from the big ass parking garage to the central plaza, much like the parking lot trams do now. What's a better way to start your Disneyland day: clean, efficient Disneyland technology? Or sitting in the exhaust of a fancy tractor designed to look like some sort of Universal Studios Backlot Tour bastard child? I hope you said the Disneyland technology one, because that's the Peoplemover.

Now let's skip our happy asses across the country again to Walt Disney World, where the Peoplemover still stands strong! But also where it could be so much more! Currently, Disney World transportation consists of monorails! Boats! Ferries! And buses! Buses?


The main transportation artery of the Walt Disney World Resort is no more magical than your local city transportation system. Except with twice the urine smell, but only half the hobos. Surely the Peoplemover system could be implemented here somehow, even if they had to expand on the technology. Imagine riding from the Animal Kingdom Lodge to Epcot in your own little pod with your family, cruising along on clean green technology. There could be main Peoplemover tracks that branch off to the separate hotels, like a little electric highway system. Yes, it would be super expensive. But that used to not stop Disney. I guess it does now.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

For those about to snack, I salute you!

For those of us who truly love Disney, its not just about the rides, although they're pretty amazing. It's about all of the other stuff you can see and do, and enjoy on your way to the rides. You've heard me say it before, and I'm saying it again...there is so much more to Disneyland than people think.

As soon as you get up to the front gates and see Mickey's gigantic face in a bed of flowers, you know you're in for a surprise. Looking past that and directly up, you can see the train station, and beyond that, you have to walk through a tunnel of magic to see the rest. As soon as you venture past the tunnel, you get your first sight of Main Street USA! Not only does it have some pretty incredible shops to explore, they have a candy store that's not anything less than amazing! I don't know where they find those candy apples, but they're as big as your head!

The Candy Palace is the best place to get your snack on if you're feeling like a sweet delectable treat. A ton of the candy inside the shop is home made, right in front of you.

Disneyland's Candy Palace

 I remember walking in one time and watching the taffy machine knead the taffy round and round, and then I had to wipe the drool off of my face...and then the floor. I wanted that taffy to just wrap me up and give me a big taffy hug! That's not weird! It would have been if I said that I wanted it to give me a taffy hug, and then said "it's sticky with my clothes off!" That's weird, but I didn't say that, so we're good.

The chocolate is amazing, the caramel corn is amazing, but my favorite is still the candy apples. If those don't entice you to get inside the shop, the smell definitely will.
One of the many various styles of Disneyland's candy apples.

The splendid odor will grab you by the face and push it right into its bosom of deliciousness, and then smack you around a little bit. It's intoxicating is what it is. Oh man, for those about to snack, I salute you! Go get your snack on at the Candy Palace! Its almost as fun as Big Thunder Mountain, but twice as tasty!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Tripped Up

Lady's and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! Welcome to the greatest blog on Earth! Or was that E-Arth? I forget. Anyways, I am blogging to you today with a heavy heart. I have made the decision to cancel my trip to Walt Disney World later this year. I also have planned a trip to Disneyland for that same time frame. You may find yourself asking "Why do I care, Josh?" Well, I will tell you why.
Disney World for a week + flights = $6500 dollars for my family. Holy crap! Driving from my house to Anaheim for a week is about a third of that. Also, here is the kicker: Aside from World Showcase, Disneyland has almost everything Disney World has.

Kali River Rapids? Grizzly River has you beat.
Pirates? West Coast's is longer.
Tower of Terror? Version light.
Soarin? First.
Test Track? One word: Lighting McQueen.
Yeti? Abominable Snowman. And it still moves.
Trains? Boom, got 'em.
Spinners? Oh, Disney World has more (cheap thrills?)
X-ray rocks? None here!

And let's not forget, I can stay off property, park MY car at the hotel and still walk to the resort. Take that, buses!

Here's a Good Idea! Let's Make Sure We Never Use It Again!: PART 1

In July of 1967, Disneyland opened a ride that not only showed a sliver of fantastic human ingenuity, but threw it in your face and screamed "Look at this! Look how awesome this is! This will change our way of life forever!" I'm talking, of course, about the one and only Peoplemover!

You don't know what the Peoplemover is? Get out.

Disneyland's Peoplemover

Okay, fine. I'll tell you. It's basically a small train of cars gliding along a track, except the motors are in the track, not on the vehicles. The Disneyland Peoplemover's motors were tires that pushed the cars along as they went over them. But when they built the ride for the Magic Kingdom in Florida, the tires were replaced by magnetic linear induction motors, which effectively cut out all moving parts that could potentially break down.

The loading station for Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland Transit Authority Peoplemover

Part of the genius of the Peoplemover was that the trains never had to stop. The loading/unloading platform rotated at the same speed as the trains going around them, so what you're left with is a transportation system that would be really damn hard to break down and eats up the crowds like a stoned Hungry Hungry Hippo. Sounds great, right? So what did Disney do with it?


Well, mostly nothing. In 1995, Disneyland closed their Peoplemover to replace it with a steaming pile of crap called the Rocket Rods. Let's just say they failed miserably. I'll write about them later. Anyway, now Disneyland's Peoplemover track weaves around Tomorrowland, completely abandoned and just getting in the way while reminding people of yesterday's better tomorrow.
The only places you can ride Disney's Peoplemover system today is at the Magic Kingdom and... George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston. That's not a joke. Disney built their inter terminal train, basing it off of the Peoplemover system. So there are practical applications of this system! What can be done with it?

 Stay tuned for PART 2!.....Eventually

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Don't sit on that.....

Have you ever walked around a Disney park for a few hours and by the time you're ready to sit down it seems as though every bench in the park is occupied? Seriously, when you need to rest your feet for a few minutes, every person in the park had the same idea but three seconds before, and you were left standing there. Standing in front of a thousand people all sitting comfortably on a Disney bench looking at you and staring, silently laughing as you've failed to secure a bench to rest your weary feet. Where does one go in a situation like that? Where can you possibly sit for ten minutes on something that's not already occupied by a person that weighs 100 pounds more than you do? I'll tell you where! Tom Sawyer's Island, that's where!

Tom Sawyer's Island is a great place to go when the rest of the park benches seem uninhabitable, or so I thought. This particular story took place about nine years ago and I can remember it well for two reasons. One, it was hilarious, and two, it hurt. I was tired. I was tired of walking around and I was tired of trying to look for a bench, and I had to urinate. What? It's normal! You walk, you eat, you pee. So I walked a while, went over to the island of Tom and found a restroom. Upon relieving myself, I walked outside and looked for a place to sit while I waited for the rest of my party. In this particular nook of the island there were no benches, but there were some wooden crates set up by the restrooms that looked like they would be perfect.

Ah, the crates looked something like these. You know... like crates.

I looked around, there wasn't a cast member in site. My brother showed up and he was looking for a place to sit also! In the heat of the moment I decided to take my chances on the wooden crates. I promptly jumped up on the crate before my brother could and suddenly heard a horrific crack. No it wasn't my tail bone. It was the crate! As soon as I sat on top of it, I went right through it like Taco Bell running through your bowels. As quick as a flash, there I was, stuck in a wooden crate, my feet stuck up in the air, and my brother violently laughing! (Editor's note: I wasn't "violently laughing." I was doing far more than that! But I don't think there's a word to describe laughter of that magnitude. Okay, back to Tim.) After he caught his breath, he eventually helped me out. Word to the wise, it may look sturdy enough, but the wooden crates on Tom Sawyer's Island are the devil! Weaker than a nerd in a gym. Scratched my back up pretty good. Probably got a sliver or two. Next time you're looking for a place to rest your tired legs...don't sit on that.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Podcast revisited

Well Mutineers,
     Our first podcast is done. We learned a whole lot and hopefully the next one will be a vast improvement. As Jake said, stick with us. We are learning. Also on note, we would like to do viewer questions and topics so please send your ideas here or to our twitter feed (@mickeymutineers) and we will put our spin on it. As always, thank you fit your patronage.


Monday, January 14, 2013

Just Tell Me, Disney!

Hey kids, it's Jake. I'm going to take a break from theme parks for this post to let you in on some movie news:

Disney still hasn't named a director for Star Wars Episode VII. 

The movie has a release date of 2015, and the script has been written. As a huge Star Wars fan, nay, Star Wars nerd, I wait for this news every day. What Hollywood director will helm one of the biggest franchises in cinema history? I would love to see Brad Bird (director of The Incredibles, Wall-E, Iron Giant, and Mission: Impossible 4) take the helm, but he's busy with his own science fiction movie called 1952. Stay tuned! Trust me, when the news comes out, I will post it here immediately! Alright, let's get back to the parks.

Another Gem!!

Hey guys, it's time for another episode of Disney Gems! Last time we met, I wrote about a priceless piece of art inside of the Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. A brilliant piece of red headed deliciousness. Next I want to address another gem, but it's less provocative. This certain gem has been a part of Disneyland since the park opened in the summer of 1955; July 17th to be exact. Anyone wanna guess? Anyone wanna take a stab at this? Wrong! Its not the train! I'm talking about none other than Mr. Toads Wild Ride!

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride the way it looked on opening day. Photo courtesy of the wonderful Yesterland.com

Few people realize that Mr. Toad has been a part of Fantasyland since the beginning. It's a beloved ride in the park, and draws almost as much attention as Peter Pan's Flight. In this ride, the story goes that Mr. Toad is a millionaire and is reckless with his choices, and really sucks at driving! He hits everything that's in front of him and almost kills multiple police officers. The first part of the ride, he's driving through his mansion, for Hell's sakes! Speaking of Hell, we will get back to that in a few.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride as it appears today, as the front door to Toad Hall

The ride is loosely based on the beloved characters in the Disney film The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, with the Mr. Toad segment being based off of Kenneth Grahame's "Wind in the Willows". Never read the book, don't care. Apparently it was good, but why read the book when you can ride the ride? It's a fantastic ride, and still is today! It has withstood the sands of time. Who wouldn't want to ride in a buggy and raise some hell by running people off of the road, dodging horses and then driving straight into Winkie's bar for a pint? My favorite part of this ride however is the ending, and it's not a happy one.

"What?? Disney has a ride without a happy ending?" Yes my fine fellow, they do. Ride Mr. Toad and you will see. You get hit by a train, go to Hell (told you we would come back to it), and then...drum roll please...you STAY in hell! The ride ends! It ends with you still in hell!
The ride is summarized on the mural in the loading area, Hell and all.

 What kind of happy ending is that? Its not the kind of Happy Ending in Vegas, that's for sure. It's almost as if when they were building the ride, the construction foreman was having a really bad day, and the workers said "Hey boss, we're running out of room on the Toad ride. How can we wrap up the story nicely?" To which I imagine the foreman said "Go to hell!"...."Brilliant! Thanks boss!"  All joking aside, it's still a sweet little gem of Disneyland that has historical meaning and is still fun to ride, even after almost 60 years. Walt and his crew of Imagineers knew what they were doing for sure!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Mickey Mutineer Podcast Episode 1!

Alright, Mutineers! The podcast is up and running! Our first episode is available for you to listen right over there to the right under the Amazon banner. We must warn you, it's obviously our first episode. We're still working out the kinks and the pacing, but stick with us and we'll stick with you! And it should be available now or soon on iTunes, so please subscribe. We are working on getting it available other places like Stitcher. And please, leave your comments here on what you would like to hear on the show! We're in this together, now! Welcome aboard, Mutineers!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Have they even seen that video?

So there I was, sitting placidly on the couch getting ready to dip my hand into yet another Doritos-induced coma, when I suddenly find something that piqued my interest. As I sat there in front of my TV wondering what the hell I was going to watch, or when a meteor was going to come crashing through my window and crush me, I found a show about Walt Disney World on the Travel Channel. This show was called Secrets of Walt Disney World and I was curious.

So I did what any middle aged man would do who’s to lazy to just go to bed; I dipped my hand into my bag of chips and began watching this magical show about "the happiest place on Earth."  That statement confuses me. Disneyland claims to be the happiest place on Earth, yet so does Disney World…there can’t possibly be two happiest places on Earth, right? I mean, that would create a vortex the size of Texas that would implode the entire planet! Walt Disney wouldn't have been so cavalier. Upon watching the show, whomever made it obviously was selling lies.

Lies you say? Yes, lies. In the video, it shows Walt Disney World in pristine condition. The parks look amazing, and it seems as though all of the animatronics are working, especially the Yeti at the Animal Kingdom. NOPE!! Have they ever been to Disney World? The place is ran down! It looks like Honey Boo Boo and her family came and jumped on everything in every single park! I wouldn't say its trashed, but have you seen the siding on the buildings that is just “missing”? No Honey Boo Boo, that’s not a gingerbread house! Leave it alone and smack your momma in the mouth for me!

Last time I was at Disney World, things were falling apart, and from what I've heard, things haven’t improved much. The Disney Company has an identity to protect and that is to have the best theme parks in the world. Disneyland does this. They refurbish their rides on a yearly basis. Disney World however thinks that its okay to let their rides fall apart, and hopefully no one will notice. News flash: we notice! Its not very magical to go on It’s a Small World and see mold everywhere the water touches. I don’t get a happy feeling when I ride Splash Mountain and most of the animatronics are taking naps! C’mon Disney, you’re better than this, fix your stuff, and get that Disco Yeti fixed! That show on TV was a joke! Trying to lure innocent people to a place that’s falling apart! Photoshop is awesome though. You can even make Honey Boo Boo look somewhat like a human being with it, and that is magical!

Editor's note: I was going to put up pictures of Honey Boo Boo, but we wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Good Riddance, Skyway

Did you know that every five seconds, someone somewhere in the world tries to wish Disneyland's Skyway ride back into existence? Did you also know that you can make up facts and figures all willy-nilly on the internet and no one ever double checks your claim? Now you know! The Skyway was essentially a gondola/ski lift type ride in Disneyland that took you from Tomorrowland to Fantasyland, way up in the air. Something like this:
It opened in 1956 and closed in 1994.

Good. Let it die.

I'm not sure why people were a fan of this ride. I can think of a few reasons why they loved it:

1. They were masochists and enjoyed waiting in a line for a trip across two lands of the park that would take longer than actually walking the same route.

2. They enjoyed looking at the rooftops of all the buildings that Disney never bothered sprucing up in the first place. Nothing says "Magic" like industrial air conditioning units, tar paper, and pigeon poo!

3. They enjoyed spitting on people.

The best part of the ride (as seen in the picture above) was when your gondola went through the center of the mighty Matterhorn and you came face to face with the abominable snowman. But guess what? You can see this on another ride. It's called the Matterhorn!

There's another reason the Skyway curdles my milk. I live in Utah, and in Utah we have one crappy amusement park called Lagoon. It's essentially a traveling carnival that forgot to leave. But guess what they have? A frikkin' Skyway!
Lagoon's Skyride
Somewhere in the Disney theme park corporate office there should be a book called "How to Build a Successful Disney Theme Park." Chapter 1 would be titled "Don't build anything Lagoon has." That's really all I ask. Disney did the right thing by pulling down the cables of the Skyway. But it seems someone over at California Adventure skipped that first chapter when they built that park. I'm looking at you, Goofy's Sky School!
Goofy's Sky School at California Adventure

Lagoon's Wild Mouse

Monday, January 7, 2013

NO Love!

Disney has a lot going for it these days. They have a ton of useful items in their arsenal you might say. You could even say that their "BATMAN utility belt" is full of "Wonderful Toys". If any of you said that, I would agree with you. Now would you agree with me on this...The Incredible’s get absolutely no love from Disney! Blasphemy... no, not at all. Blasphemy would be like saying Mr. Toads Wild Ride sucks like a Hoover. You might possibly get a sword through the heart if you said that, but the Incredibles, they get no love at all. As one of Pixar’s top rated films, I think they should get more than just a parade at DCA (Disney's California Adventure).

Nemo has submarines at Disneyland, and a Shell ride at Epcot, Toy Story has their amazing ride. What about Mr. Incredible and his family? You could do so much with that, so how about this for starters. Get rid of Captain EO. That 3D movie was lamer than a three legged dog back in the 80's. I'm not buying Michael Jackson as a bad-ass when he pops through the floor of the ship and then states "Everyone, this is serious", in his high feminine voice, and his non-plastic parts are starting to stink up the theater. Make an Incredibles 3D movie. It’s perfect. I can see Mrs. Incredible’s stretchy arms flying out into the audience, Mr. Incredible’s strength as he throws a car at a villain, but conveniently misses and it goes, wait for it....Into the Audience! It would be fantastic!

Another Idea is to make a Dash roller coaster. How cool would that be? I think it would have to be an indoor one, Rock'n'Roller Coaster style, but with all of The Incredible’s goodness inside of it. Obviously the story line would place the rider (you) as Dash as you whip through a ton of explosions and go through a loop or five.

Or how about this? Remember the part in the movie where there are the pods on tracks zipping around Syndrome's island? They looked a lot like this:
And Disneyland has a great length of empty Peoplemover track that looks like this:
Get some pods up on those abandoned tracks! You could have little scenes from The Incredibles every time your pod goes inside a building, and outside you'll just be zipping around Tomorrowland in sweet style.

 These are golden ideas here, people! I feel like the Incredibles have gotten no love at all. The part they have in the PIXAR parade is cool, but they need more. Who's with me?...besides me of course?

Sunday, January 6, 2013

What I Want in 2013: Animal Kingdom Edition

Just say no to AvatarLand.

I mean really, what are they thinking here?  Avatar is a visually stunning, yet crappy, weak movie.  Many people have said it: there are no memorable characters and it has no staying power.  Also, it is gross.  I'll get to that in a bit.  HEY!  Sit down and listen to this!  DON'T YOU WALK AWAY!  Did I mention that the story is a rip off?  It is.  Watch Fern Gully, same damn story.  Anyway, where was I?  Oh Yeah.
Can Disney make a Fern Gully Avatar based attraction and make it stunning?  Yes, yes they can.  But should they?  No.  And here comes the gross part.  Their tails are their damned genitalia.  Really.  If I am walking in the Animal Kingdom and one of these tall blue freak's tail touches me, I am gonna feel molested and be vocal about it. Take that James Cameron.   

*Editor's note: If these blue things can walk around the park with their junk out, then so can I.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Big Plans for the Mickey Mutineers

Hey gang! We here at Mickey Mutineers would like to thank you for taking the time to read through our stuff and would like to announce that we have a podcast currently on the drawing board. It will be more of the same stuff that's here on the blog, except audible. We've already assaulted your eyes, so now we're going for your ears. Also, we're better at talking than we are at typing. If you would like to support what we're doing here, feel free to click that there Amazon banner at the top right of the page. I mean, you're going to buy from Amazon anyway, and this doesn't cost you any extra and we get a little kickback in return. And please, follow us on Twitter @mickeymutineers. But most important of all, if you like what you see and we've accomplished our goal of just making people laugh, please, tell a friend. Especially if they're a Disney nerd! And stay tuned for the podcast in the following weeks! Alright, I'm done being a carnival barker. I promise not to make a habit of this.

Friday, January 4, 2013

What I Want in 2013: Epcot Edition

     Did somebody say "x-ray rocks?!" Welcome to my wishlist for Epcot in the upcoming year! Oh man, where do I start? Epcot is my favorite park in the World we call Disney, and many would side with me. So to see some of the attractions in their current run-down state really chafes my nipples.
     Let's start with the Maelstrom over in the Norway pavilion. It's a really short ride, but very popular and very fun. But man, it is a mess. Mold and dust strewn about like bums on bologna! A bunch of the animatronic characters aren't working, and they added a very unpopular addition last week: X-ray rocks:
Photo courtesy of KingEric from the forums of MiceChat
Why is this okay? This is right out in the open for every single guest to see. Look, it even makes the baby polar bear cry! Nobody wants to make a baby polar bear cry! They remember. And then they grow up and rip you to shreds. An elephant never forgets, and a polar bear never forgives. Let's clean this ride up! Do it for the baby polar bears!
     Next on my rant...er, list... is the former Wonders of Life pavilion. It sits between the Universe of Energy and Mission: Space, and houses such attractions as "Empty Chairs," "Empty Void: The Ride," and "Hey Guys, Remember When I Was Actually Something." The problem I have with it is that management has written it off as "festival space," used for events such as the Flower and Garden Festival, and the Food and Wine Festival. Just look at it. Even this makes baby polar bears cry.
What used to be the Wonders of Life pavilion. Photo courtesy of Yesterland.com
But Epcot already has a really big building for festivals. It's hidden in the trees between the United Kingdom and Canada pavilions. Get a new sponsor in this pavilion and breathe some new life into it. 
     Now we shuffle across the park to the Imagination! pavilion. Why is Michael Jackson still here? Get him out! Captain EO was a fun little romp as a tribute, but it's been three years now. This temporary experiment is feeling awfully permanent. And then there's the Journey Into Imagination ride itself. I like this ride and see nothing wrong with it. Moving on!
    Now the nerd in me wants Disney to add a TARDIS to the UK pavilion. Just sitting back there along the street. If you're not a Doctor Who fan, you will just see a common blue police call box. If you are a fan, you will wet yourself with excitement. The problem is, Disney has nothing to do with Doctor Who and I doubt they ever will. I pretty much just wasted your time with this part. 
     As for the rest of Epcot, you're doing a fine job! Keep up the good work! I'm done here.

Polar Bears.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

What I want in 2013: Magic Kingdom!

I've thought about this for quite some time now. I've done a lot of thinking actually, and that’s not easy for me considering I've the attention span of a goldfi…Is anybody hungry? Who wants lunch? Crap, let’s get back on topic here.
 What I would like for 2013 at the Magic Kingdom? Now some of you may be saying “why would you change anything at the Magic Kingdom?” I’ll tell you why: have you been to Disneyland lately? Well Disneyland is smaller and yet somehow 102% cooler! Why is that? I’ll tear down the walls on this bow-hitch and let you know exactly why…I love the ocean.
Let’s review the great rides at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom, because yes, they do differ from Disneyland a little bit on some, a lot on others. First off, Peter Pan, it’s a fantastic ride, don’t touch it, it’s on par with Disneyland. Next we have Pirates of the Caribbean. Rip that sucker out quicker than Jack Sparrow can escape, and start fresh. The only good thing about that ride is the queue. It’s awesome, and the atmosphere is fantastically delicious. The ride, however, is disappointing. It’s not as long as the Disneyland ride, and they've cut out a bunch of it. Why? They have plenty of room, make it bigger! Put a 90 foot drop on that sucker and have the Kraken attack you! Now we're talking, right? That would be epic. Next is Small World. The Small World ride at Disney World is awful. It’s falling apart, and it’s not as long, or as nice as Disneyland’s version.
I know they've been putting lots of other things into the Magic Kingdom to make it more “Magical”, but even Lance Burton agrees that it’s not magical enough! What I would like to see in 2013 is for Disney to use every inch of the Magic Kingdom and make it amazing instead of mediocre. More original rides would be nice…Stop copying Disneyland all the time and bust out with some new material! The whole Fantasyland upgrades are a great start, but finish the run! Don’t stop 300 feet before the finish line! 2013 can be great, just let the Disneyland team fly over there and show you how it’s done.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

What I want for 2013: Disney's Hollywood Studios

One of the biggest things I want on my Disney wish list for 2013 is for TDO (Team Disney Orlando) to pull their heads out of their asses. Yeah, I said it. Maintenance and upkeep should be a priority not a rarity. The next thing they should have on the east coast is some love for Disney's Hollywood Studios. The park has potential and here are my ideas.

  1. The Muppets need love! Now I'm not just talking about a spruced up Muppet-Vision, I'm talking about a whole corner of the park. Film a new 3D show for them, keep it zany and barely in control.  Next let the Swedish Chef take over Mama Melrose's and hand Pizza Planet over to Rizzo and Pepe the King Prawn. Finally, let's add another attraction. My idea is to play off the already proposed Muppet movie dark ride except it would be either an omnimover or a sensor track thingy that drags you through an attempted recreation of our favorite Disneyland rides, complete with explosions and hecklers. My Muppet ride would take you from Pirates to Peter Pan, from Winnie the Pooh to the Haunted Mansion, and end in a disastrous small world. 
  2. Cars Land, yeah not so much.  My DHS re-do would focus on Pixar place. Listen, if you want a damn movie studio park why the hell not treat it as such? Sure, bring a Cars based ride in, but don't alienate other great pictures. Monsters Inc. roller coaster needs a home for hells sake. What about an Incredibles people mover type ride that takes you through Pixar Place? I don't know, just thinking out loud. Ooh! Get rid of the Honey I'm Canadian and Our Kids are Now Really Small, Eh playground and make a Toy Story/Bugs Life playground! Man, if I only knew how to draw, this shit would be way more interesting. Moving on to...
  3. LucasFilms! Man, this one is gigantic!  I know it's been discussed here already, but I'm geeking out about this! We have Star Tours already (thank the maker!), we have the Indy stunt show thingy and that can go. Keep Dr. Jones around, just in a different venue.  I don't think that a clone of the ride from Anaheim is in order, nor a clone of the Paris roller coaster, because there is already going to be 3 runaway mine cart train things as it is.  I honestly don't know what to put here, but Indy is needed.  Oh yeah, retheme the eatery in between Star Tours and Indy into the Mos Eisley Cantina, complete with the Cantina band, severed arms, and people shooting first.
  4. So what's left? Marvel is, that's what. Put them in the backlot area, maybe as a meet and greet. Orlando seems to like those. I'm running out of ideas, so....?..
  5. General park cleanup and maintenance. Refurbish the vehicles in the backlot area and place them where they can be walked up to, not driven by. And dammit all Disney World keep your shit clean and pretty.  I'm dropping around $5k to take my family there this year and while I do not expect it to be perfect, I don't expect to not see x-ray vision rocks... 
That's it for the DHS edition of what I want for 2013.

How To Make Me Jealous: DISNEY EDITION!

     Sometimes the crafty minds at Disney will take a good idea and make it better. Sometimes they take a good idea and make it deplorable. I want to discuss one of the better ideas, and why it makes me cry at night in my sleep.
     Hong Kong Disneyland doesn't have a Frontierland, and I don't know why. But they make up for it with Grizzly Gulch, which is basically Frontierland and Critter Country rolled up into one big land of fun. And bears. Because bears are fun! They wrestle with you, eat marshmallows out of your mouth, steal your picnic baskets, and viciously attack innocent bystanders. Fun! Okay, Disney's bears don't do any of these things. But what the Disney bears actually do here in Grizzly Gulch is get into all sorts of lovable shenanigans and tomfoolery. And explosions, not just any explosions, explosions that make you scream "Who wants a mustache ride?" That's right. Look at this video from themeparkreview.com. This is the ride that makes me jealous all day, and only because of how great it looks.
     I want this ride. I want this ride in either Walt Disney World or Disneyland. And this is where the tears come: I can't have it. It's too similar to anything at both of those resorts to ever get built at either of them. Basically, the Imagineers took the "oh no things have gone terribly wrong and now we're going all sorts of backwards and forwards" roller coaster from Expedition Everest in Animal Kingdom, slapped it into the awesome scenic hills of Grizzly Peak in California Adventure, added a sprinkling of Big Thunder Mountain railroad and BAM! You get Big Grizzly Mountain. Fun! Who wants to buy me a ticket to China?