Thursday, November 15, 2012

Starbucks at Disney

So the big cheese is finally getting some coffee that doesn't taste like it was filtered through dirty gym socks!  I, for one, am quite pleased.  It seems that the news has generated quite a buzz though. Is it because of Disney allowing an outside corporation into the parks?  Like that's never happened before. Seriously, I'd much rather have a bare breasted, twin-tailed mermaid serving me caffeine than a creepy, ginger clown shoving heart attack-inducing crap down my throat. I suppose on the downside of this, with the alcohol now served at the Magic Kingdom, we may have wide awake drunk pricks roaming the park...

*Editor's note: Josh is more grumpy and cynical in the mornings before he has his coffee. Also, he smells like cheese, which is weird. 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Mutineer Blogcast #2: Banter Tracks


Josh:  So. Big news! Disney now owns LucasFilms!  Great things ARE coming and great things may be coming as well. Theme park additions anyone?  
I would really like to see an expanded Star Wars area in Disney's Hollywood Studios.  Expanded to the point of a whole Star Wars "land" or better yet a LucasFilms land including Indiana Jones in it. But what attractions would go there?  

Jake: You think this whole purchase was for Star Wars? I think we're all missing the big picture here. First, Disney buys Marvel, and then buys LucasFilm. What is the one things those two companies have in common? Howard the Duck.

Josh:  Here I am brain the size of a planet and you bring up Howard the Duck?  You call that job satisfaction?  Cause I don't...

Jake: You're right. Let's get back to this Star Wars thing. At Hollywood Studios, the Indiana Jones stunt show and Star Tours are already close enough together that combining them into a full-fledged LucasLand wouldn't be very hard at all. There's a quick service eatery between them that could easily be rethemed. Preferably as the Mos Eisley cantina. I want that cantina band! I also want park guests getting their arms severed, just for authenticity.

Josh: Ah food!  Been waiting to hit on this. They definitely need the cantina, band and all. However, it should been split in half with Marian's Sherpa bar. Complete with Lego nazi invasions and Indiana Jones. I think that the cantina half could be quick serve with the Sherpa bar being a sit down area. They could seriously make a sick area for both of those franchises and in my mind they are about half way there. But what else could hey add besides food joints?

Jake: Well I think an obvious choice would be the ride Florida fans have been clamoring for since 1995, and that's the Indiana Jones Adventure from Disneyland. But they'll have to change it up since Dinosaur at Animal Kingdom already uses the same exact track layout. Or they could use the Test Track system for some sort of pod racing or speeder bike ride. Unfortunately both of those already show up in Star Tours. Oh!! Demolish the Honey I Shrunk the Kids play area and use that real estate to make something completely unrelated, and then make a Dagobah swamp Jedi training play area!

Josh:  I'm sure someone will wish to throw me in the sarlacc pit for this, but... Axe Honey I shrunk the Kids and install an Ewok village play area!  That would be fun. Creepy yet cute midget teddy bears that kill nazis!

Jake: I like it, but the Ewok village is already the queue for Star Tours. What about a classic dark ride? Maybe a spook house-style one like Snow White's Scary Adventures. But this one would be the Wampa cave, or Jabba's palace! I think I'm on to something here...

Josh:  Oh man!  There is some sick potential!  A dark ride skimming all the films narrated by Kevin Smith?  He likes Star Wars and he's written for marvel...  Eh maybe. Anyhow, I see where you are going with this. But I wanna talk about Indy!  I don't think WDW needs a carbon copy of Indiana Jones and the temple of the forbidden Carnotaur.  What it needs is something more thrilling than a skeleton wearing a fedora stuffed in a refrigerator. They need a ride. Maybe the one from Paris? Or... Maybe something completely original???

Jake: I like where your head's at with the Indiana Jones roller coaster, because if there's something that wouldn't hurt Hollywood Studios at all is another roller coaster. Especially on the opposite end of the park as Rock n' Roller Coaster and Tower of Terror. Having the two biggest thrill rides right next to each other really flares my herpes. We need something big in the new LucasLand to disperse the crowds more evenly. Because no one rushes to Lights, Motors, Action or the Backlot Tour at rope drop.

Josh:  Wow.  I didn't even look that far ahead... I guess all I have to add to this is this: Cloudy. The future is. Also, that for me, there is a New Hope at Disney's Hollywood Studios.


Jake: Maybe they can make a Hoth Ice Tunnel of Love where you kiss your sister.... What?
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Whaaaat?
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Come on, guys! Come back!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Mutineer Blogcast #1: Marvel in Disneyland


Jake: Rumors are floating about that Innoventions (more like inNOventions, am I right people?) will finally go the way of the Hostess Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pudding pie in place of some sort of Iron Man themed thrill ride.

Josh: Wait. What? I've been stuck on a mountain top (in a completely non monkish sort of way) for a few days,  where did this come from? Also, I would kill for TMNT pie...
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.... ok. I just perused through whole lot of particularly unhelpful forum pages from a rather smuggish forum and am still confused. I gather Disney is finally putting to use its newest(?) franchise, Marvel, and building an "E" ticket attraction. Kinda like you said above. I have mixed feelings about this. Not because they are using Marvel characters, but because I have secretly hoped that there would be an Incredibles attraction that used the carousel AND the People Mover track.  

Jake: At least it kind of fits the Tomorrowland theme. I mean, the Stark company is all about future technology, clean self-sustaining energy, and weapons of mass destruction! But what I’m curious to see is what kind of ride they can fit onto the carousel building’s footprint, and whether or not they’ll actually use the building or demolish it and start from scratch.

Josh:  "Kind of fits" is the key. Almost, but not entirely does not fit may also work. Look, I am not against Marvel showing up in the parks, but I really wish for a retro-future sort of theme to tomorrow land. I suppose a Stark Expo queue and a good attraction would work. However, I think the bigger issue here is where would the Marvel crew fit into Disneyland?  Some would say presically under the monorail...  Marvel is great and all but there may need to be a comic book land or park to stuff them into. Maybe a villains and super heroes type park? But, not a complete thrill park, because I feel that is the magic of Disney: something for every one.

Jake: I think you nailed Tomorrowland there with a retro-future idea. Tomorrowland shouldn’t be based in reality any more, otherwise it would need updating every other month, and I don’t think Disney has the nads to do that. Also it’s not possible. As for where else would the Marvel crew fit: they’re not invited! Ewoks weren’t invited to Star Tours, so Captain Marvel can wait outside somewhere! I’m taking a stand for the ewoks!

Josh:  So where in Disney would Marvel fit?  I kinda think that if they can go anywhere besides under a monorail it would be Future World at EPCOT. Really, why is that called future world anyway? It's more about developing the future at heart, or it was once anyhow. They would also fit in a movie type park, maybe a back ally in DCA or somewhere on New York Street at DHS. All of that said a new gate would be the best option.  There were plans on the table for a Marvel park at DubaiLand but I am unsure if that was pre-Disney or what.  Not like Arabs care about Ironman much, I mean apparently they are the ones who made him...

Jake: Marvel would go great in the abandoned backlot of Hollywood Studios somewhere. There are entire buildings back there housing nothing but moth-ridden costumes and lost children in storage to replace the kids currently working in Small World. I also heard Michael Eisner’s soul is kept in a filing cabinet back there. So let’s bulldoze everything back there (orphans included), and make the way to get there through the animation courtyard. Have a sort of animation to comic book transition sort of thing.

Josh: You had me at bulldoze... Unfortunately, at the current moment, Marvel is the blue peg in a square hole. ( I gotta learn my shapes)   


Jake: HEY LOOK, STAR WARS!