Friday, December 21, 2012

Jungle Snooze

     You know what I like? Paying a lot of money to go to a world famous vacation destination in central Florida and then receiving choices from said destination. Choices like churros or pretzels? Monorail or ferry? Plastic hippos or real hippos?

Wait..what?

     Yeah. That's where I'm going. Why does the Jungle Cruise still exist in the Magic Kingdom, when 3.89 miles away (as the singing crows from Dumbo flies) you can see all the exact same animals at Animal Kingdom? Except the ones at Animal Kingdom are real, while the Jungle Cruise animals are real plastic. Now, I know what you're going to say, "But Jake, I have a gluten allergy and I need to find a recipe for cinnamon rolls!" To which I would say, you are clearly at the wrong blog. We're discussing Real vs. Fake Disney animals here, and godspeed in your endeavors.
     But in case plastic animals are not hip enough for your Jungle Cruise jazz, you also get a script of hacky jokes and one-liners. But don't worry! Unlike the Cruise skippers in Anaheim, the Magic Kingdom skippers are forced to stick to the same predetermined jokes, so they never get to stretch out and expand their material.
     So why are we keeping the Magic Kingdom's Jungle Cruise around? Disneyland needs theirs. They don't have real animals wandering around except for the feral cats. (And how awesome would a Feral Cat Cruise be?) Magic Kingdom's Jungle Cruise is sitting on prime real estate big enough for maybe 2 E-tickets or a whole slough of gift shops and meet-n-greets. You'd think Disney World management would've noticed the latter by now. I don't have the answer on what should be put there, but if anyone actually misses the plastic animals, they will have to settle for their real life counterparts across the Disney World property, and I have no sympathy for you at all.