Sunday, July 1, 2018

Toy Story Land Review!

By Jake

     As many of you Disney fans or haters or Disney-Neutral people know by now, this past weekend Toy Story Land opened to reviews at Disney's Hollywood Studios park in Florida, America! Unfortunately none of the main five Mutineers were able to attend the event. However! Our producer, Giuseppe, was able to attend and slipped me a cocktail napkin with his notes on it and some pictures he claimed are completely his and totally didn't steal from somewhere else, and then buggered off on his own somewhere mumbling about hamsters in the wild. So without further ado (and apologies to those that were expecting a lot of ado from this point on) here is Giuseppe's review of Toy Story Land, completely fabricated by Jake.

It's a 7 hour wait because they only allow one person at a time
to ride.
     First up, let's talk about the rides! There are two new rides here and one that sneaked in through the side door. The sneaky one is Toy Story Mania, we've all heard about it. It's good. We all like it, don't we. It's one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land. Moving on. One of the new rides is the Spinning Aliens of Death ride. Don't let the name mislead you, it's for families. It looks simple enough from the outside, but looks are very misleading! This happens to be one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land! It's a contemporary take on a classic whip ride! Which means it whips you around corners, and if you're in the middle of the car, you are going to get smushed. A lot. But that's part of the fun! Lastly we have the Slinky Dog Dine and Dash roller coaster! But Giuseppe said he took one look at the 7-hour line (which stretched all the way from the roller coaster entrance down International Drive to SeaWorld) and decided he'd just watch it on YouTube. But he said it looked like one of the most fun rides in all of Toy Story Land!

See? These guys standing guard just stab you with pizza if you try to enter.
     Now onto the food. Giuseppe says there's food here. There are giant popsicle sticks, but no popsicles on them. But there's also a counter service restaurant called Woody's Breadbox. It's not very big. They have a unique selection of food, however. From the grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup, to the barbecue brisket sandwich with tomato soup, to the ice cream floats with tomato soup! But the big ticket item that has people talking are the pastries. Apparently they're just painted Pop-Tarts. I don't understand why people would be clamoring over pastries that taste like paint. But hey, I won't knock it until I try it.

     So that's all the notes that were on Giuseppe's napkin. I'm glad he was able to make it down there and give us the his full review of the new land. There's a doodle here of four pine cones. I guess that's his rating. So there you have it! Giuseppe gives Toy Story Land a whopping four pine cones!

Monday, April 23, 2018

Six Things I Wish I Was Eating Right Now (in the Magic Kingdom)

by Annie Clarf

 1. The All-American Sundae from the Plaza Ice Cream Parlor

A post shared by S A R A H 💄 (@sarahbuckx) on

Ain’t she a beaut? Would you like chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream? Wait, nevermind, HAVE BOTH. Add some hot fudge. Add some flipping peanut butter drizzle. Throw some whipped cream on top, fling a cherry at it, and brother, you got a heckuva sundae. Mmmmm. I want it right now. 

 2. Salted Caramel Pretzel at the Lunching Pad

I believe it was 1945 when they built the Auntie Anne’s pretzels at the local mall and I, at primo mall-hanging age, discovered how delicious a pretzel was with some caramel dipping sauce. Later that year, I met Bob Iger at the mall and that’s how we find ourselves blessed with this caramel pretzel treat today. It comes with chocolate dipping sauce, but I think I’ll have it au natural, mon ami. Je le veux maintenant HAW HAW HAW! 

(Editor's note: This story is 100% accurate. Don't question it. DON'T. QUESTION IT.)

 3. All of this from Pecos Bill’s Tall Tale Inn and Cafe

I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking at here. I mean, I can pretty well figure it out but I kind of want to just shake all of that up, maybe add a little extra lettuce for roughage, and eat it with a fork until I slowly fall into the pleasant sleep of someone who’s just eaten way too much Mexican food. 

 4. French Vanilla Coffee Float with Soft-Serve from Auntie Gravity’s Galactic Goodies

A post shared by JENNIFER (@jenniferkongg) on

Why doesn’t McDonald's do a coffee float like this? Dang! It looks so good! And then if you get one, you can take a photo in front of that sweet sign. You cannot lose, here. 

 5. Caprese Flatbread at Pinocchio Village Haus

A post shared by @jmar_nyc on

This is definitely the best quick service option in Magic Kingdom, if I may be so bold. Not only that, but the Village Haus is so cute and you can sit with a small world view! 

 6. Waffle Sandwiches form Sleepy Hollow

I want all of those. RIGHT. NOW. Do you think someday I will be able to 3D print those waffle sandwiches straight into my mouth? I bet the technology already exists but the government is keeping it from the public. It would be like the Napster of waffle sandwiches. 
(Editor's Note: You want Lars Ulrich to shut down your illegal waffle operation? Because that's how you get Lars Ulrich to shut down your illegal waffle operation!)

I hope you enjoyed this amazing journey through six things I would totally eat right now. Runner-up is the expensive bananas, much better than the cheap bananas you get from the grocery store. What would you eat right now from the Magic Kingdom? 

Monday, October 31, 2016

Halloween Double Whammy!

Need a good way to celebrate Halloween, Mickey Mutineers-style? Fear not! We have two podcast episodes for you that are sure to get you into the spirit!

First off, we have a special Halloween Disaster Hour with Jordan Duncan! He tells us his spooky experiences he's had investigating the paranormal with his team, Paranormal Georgia Investigations. It's a good time for all and wildly interesting stuff!

Next, for the Disney crowd, we invited the always-delightful Safari Mike for a special Halloween episode of Mickey Mutineers where we try to survive the zombie apocalypse in Disney's Animal Kingdom! Not as easy as you might think! Unless you happen  to be an expert on all things Animal Kingdom. (Looking at you, Mike!)

And please be sure to check out Jordan's podcast, It's All In My Head, and listen and read all things Safari Mike over at Jambo Everyone, where you can find his blog and podcast. And have an awesome Halloween!


Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Tower of Terrible Disney Fans

     Before I get started, yes, I know, here's a new blog post. I'm so sorry to disappoint you like this. But you can't keep the Mickey Mutineers down forever, bitches!

Guardians Tower of Fun and Excitement!
       Okay, now that that little episode is out of my system, I need to tell you, I am indeed feeling down. You see, Disney recently announced ("recently" meaning sometime in 2016. I think it was at San Diego Comic Con.) that they are changing California Adventure's Twilight Zone Tower of Terror into Guardians of the Galaxy - Mission: BREAKOUT! A name that absolutely no one will ever use when referring to the ride! Including me! In fact, from here on out, I'll just be referring to it as "Guardians Tower."

     As a Disney fan, this news excited me for a number of reasons:
1. California's Tower of Terror is by far the lesser of the American Towers in almost every way. Hollywood Studios' Tower is is on full display up on a small hill. It's menacing in every way. You enter the park, turn down Sunset Boulevard, and BOOM! There it is.You can almost see the little squiggly lines of radiance coming off of it. Walking up the creepy path to enter it is a treat itself! But in California, they tucked it away behind the animation building and Bug's Land. You can almost feel the shame walking to it. "Yeah, we have a Tower. It's in the back. I guess. I don't know. I hate my job."
See? Just tucked away in the corner. Also, visit the website in the watermark so I can
feel justified using this picture.

But look at this one! Like it's DARING you to ride it!
B. Even the ride system in California is poo poo compared to the Florida original. My favorite part of the Florida Tower is that insane 5th dimension room where your elevator car leaves the shaft and travels in a horizontal motion. You know, that one thing elevators are not supposed to do. And at the end of that room, all the light gathers together into a blinding beam and splits the darkness to reveal.... more darkness! And then you fall! Or go up! I don't know! I'm not supposed to know! The random ride sequence is amazing! In California, there is no 5th dimension room. Instead, you wave at yourself in a mirror and watch your reflection disappear. Then you go up and down and up and down some more in a completely predictable fashion because there is no random sequence. It's the same every damn time! At every drop, you represent the budget of the ride falling because they cheaped out on it so much.

33. California's Tower was a quick-fix band-aid to help breathe life into a dying park. Hard to imagine now, what with California Adventure finally being a worthy second gate to Walt's original park. But from 2001-2011, the park sucked. It was embarrassing. No wonder no one wanted to go to it. And this shell of Florida's Tower certainly didn't help.

Concept model. It's a thing.
     So with the announcement that this Tower was being changed into Guardians Tower with a future Marvel land being hinted at in the same announcement, I was skipping around my rooftop and shouting praises to the heavens. Until the neighbors called the cops. Now I know I need to keep my celebrating to myself. But freakin' apparently I was the only one excited for this change if I was to believe the internet! Cries of pain shot through my computer monitor! And some things didn't even make sense!

     "Why would Disney get rid of such a classic attraction?!" When the shit did California's Tower become a "classic attraction?" I Did not get that memo!

     "It's my favorite ride!" Yeah, and the ride itself will still be there! But you know what else will be there? Better special effects and a random sequences. FINALLY.
Just kind of an anti-climactic approach, there.  

     "It will be an eyesore outside of the park!" Directly behind the Tower on Harbor Boulevard is a 7-11. Guardians Tower should be the least of your worries outside of the park.

     "It will be an eyesore inside of the park!" Compared to what? The backstage warehouses of Hollywoodland in the Tower's shadow? You'll get used to it.

     "It's such a popular attraction, why can't they leave it alone?" Me and Josh were on a Disneyland trip last year during Christmas time. Let me say that one more time: During Christmas time. The ride was a walk-on. You know what had a longer wait than the Tower of Terror? Storybook Land Canal Boats. That is not justice.

     I think the worst part of it is on Facebook I keep seeing clickbait articles about the changing of the Tower and all the comments just poo-pooing and boo-hooing over the loss of a ride (that actually isn't going anywhere, just getting rethemed and updated.)

     Am I the weird Disney fan here? I guess I must be, because I seem to be in the vocal minority here. But one of my favorite parts of this story is that Disney doesn't give two shits about the wailing and the tears, because they've already started tearing the Tower apart, during Halloween time, while the ride is still operating! This pleases me! It only makes the cries of pain louder as the fans get to watch their precious ride being desecrated right before their eyes! It's as if the dark lords of Disney are feeding off of the tears and the pain and it's only making them work faster and harder! DANCE MY MINIONS, DANCE!

     Okay, that got away from me there. Bottom line is: guys, it's a theme park ride. Settle down. Calm your mammaries. It's going to be okay.

     Now to just wait for the same announcement for Florida's Tower and watch the fandom implode in on itself!

Friday, June 3, 2016

Mickey Mutineers Podcast Episode 164 - Boop! Here's Your Salad

Heeeeeey everybody! Again, not sure why I forget to update the website every week, but I did again. But never worry! A new episode still comes out every week whether or not a new post shows up! And you can always listen on the player over on the right! Unless you're on the mobile page! In that case, CLICK HERE, listen through iTunes, or use your favorite podcast app on your smartphone! Anyway, this episode is Jake and Josh, hopped up on caffeine, and it's pretty damn funny. A summary doesn't do a Mutineer episode justice anyway. By now you should know what to expect. Tune in! and thanks! (And do your online shopping through our Amazon link! Please?)

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Mutineer Disaster Hour 8

Back again! And once again have forgotten to update the website with our last three episodes... but here is our newest one! Again, the Mutineer Disaster Hour is our non-Disney spin off show, but if you like our crazy insanity in the regular show, you'll dig it here where we amp it up even more! As always, you can listen on the player there on the right, unless you're on the mobile page! In that case, CLICK HERE, listen through iTunes, or use your favorite podcast app on your smartphone! If you use iTunes, please, rate and review us! 

Also, Josh called your mom a horrible name.